Adikesava Svami

"Being alone and a widow in the forest, the daughter of Vidarbha began to lament, incessantly shedding tears, which soaked her breasts, and crying very loudly. 'O best of kings, please get up! Get up! Just see this world surrounded by water and infested with rogues and so-called kings. This world is very much afraid, and it is your duty to protect her.'"

Dear Srila Prabhupada,

It is impossible to guarantee the authenticity of the emotions of a conditioned soul such as myself, as only too recently I was just another beleaguered swimmer in that ocean of faults that is the Kali-yuga. Only by your divine grace could such a sodden, hopeless entity be retrieved from this condition and set on the course of mahat-sevam dvaram. Maya, in the form of delusion, keeps stepping on the path, and although you give adequate warning, I stray from the pure essence of Krsna consciousness due to ignorance that is bred from excessive association with those bound for tamo-dvaram, the gateway to hell. Therefore, although you warned to the contrary again and again, I must confess to thinking that your physical manifestation would never end. Such a fool as this can only pray in some cheap mimicry of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu:

ami balaka-sannyasi--bhala-manda nahi jani
tomara asraya nilun, guru kari' mani

"I am a young sannyasi and actually I have no knowledge of what is good and bad. Therefore I am taking shelter of you and accepting you as my spiritual master."

Even in describing the dull pain of lamentation, what to speak of the grace of your vani or the ecstasy of your vipralambha, I must take the guidance of your instructions within the pages of the Bhagavatam in order to take the proper direction and understand what is a genuine articulation and what is sophomoric sentimentality.

To understand the instructions you have given is to know you to some degree, but who can realize their full potency and unlimited scope? What kind of intelligence is it that conceives and executes such a perfect and complete plan that includes every necessary instruction, including how to remember, how to grieve, and how to carry on this mission even as the physical manifestation of such a personality has just disappeared from this mortal world? Certainly no Einstein had such capabilities, yet you not only surpass but supersede all others by acting out the drama as acarya in perfect absolute detail without any momentary compromise or digression into relativity. Although you have given us the Caitanya-caritamrta as a precept to explain the sentiments of ecstatic separation as displayed by Mahaprabhu in his lila, your very life and activities are the transcendental exemplification of how the disciple remains eternally within the presence of his guru, taking his order as life and soul. On Visvanatha's advice you took up the instruction of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura and carried it around the world time and time again, then proved the feat even more inexpressibly impossibly by dedicating tremendous energy to prove the same apparent "globe" to be something entirely different anyway.

By that same example you touched the case-hardened hearts of the iron age men and reinstalled Sri Sri Radha-Govinda within Their rightful place within the temples of their minds. Bhaktivinoda Thakura prays mama mana mandire raha nisi-din, but you have taken that prayer not only for yourself, but for every living entity. Certainly you were bemused as the people of the world watched with mouths agape, wondering how such an old man could labor on to bring this prayer to fruition. But your smile was always one of compassion, never cynicism born of ahankara.

I have often walked the streets of New York, trying to retrace your wanderings. Although I know you have blessed me by consigning me for life this overpowering monument to your fearlessness, it is difficult not to feel the flutterings of terror when dark, menacing forms scurry into gloomy alleys while blank joyless eyes follow one's every step. As I pass like a shadow through the degradation of broken windows and shattered lives or step around some slowly dying Bowery remnant of the hippie generation as he pursues unseen but very real chemical demons, I cannot help wondering what kind of courage you possessed to have come down to this hellish East Side world in order to reclaim societal misfits and inaugurate the spiritual movement meant to save the world. Any romantic notions to the contrary, these beginnings were such hellish austerity (and every day we uncover new evidence of its intensity), full of that special cruelty the inhabitants of the material world reserve for the swanlike paramahamsas who dare to come and save them. Like any ordinary person, you bore the atmosphere of violence and death, accentuated by the heart-shattering cries of sirens and clanging bells, although you did not have to leave Vrndavana, and indeed never did so. Which is greater, your love for your Guru Maharaja or your compassion and mercy upon us (which is born of that love)? Who could possibly say? But both inspire faith and desire to become courageous on the strength of the guru's order within our hearts.

So, naturally we take up the cry of Vidarbhi, which is the preface to this entreaty, as she waits for her absent svami who has gone and left her behind. She calls as we have called, pleading for grace as you are needed in this world. Without such presence, cataclysm seems imminent and peace seems impossible. It is difficult not to see Maharaja Yudhisthira's strong fire-vomiting jackals on the horizon, barking at the sun, no longer fearful of your presence. Like him we might palpitate and tremble in fear as the shrieks of owls and crows obscure your sweet chanting.

But then, O most sublime deceiver, we read on as the brahmana-Supersoul who is also yourself instructs us in the doubtless art of remaining eternally in your presence. The difficulty of maintaining past or present tense in describing your glories becomes clear as your nitya-lila becomes more evident. Only failing to execute your order means separation. Fulfillment means eternal association. The difficulty of writing in singular or plural becomes clear, as your presence is eternally established. The choice is there: lament with Puranjani and take the fire, or catch up the instruction, the mission, and save the people of this land (and ourselves with them). Rescued on the threshold of new bewilderments, this wandering jiva is grateful for the directions stretching far into the future, stretching on years beyond our mortal lives, illumined by the munificent radiance of Mahaprabhu's sahkirtana movement.

So now, like Arjuna freshly returned from Dvaraka, we can become peaceful with the comforting assurance of being eternally with Your Divine Grace. By your artistry the performance has gone on without a misstep. Like a symphony led by the most expert maestro, we have simply begun another part of the piece, barely pausing for breath in between. There are new conductors, duplicating the insurpassable master with ever-increasing accuracy, but emphasizing his presence more and more with every stroke.

O most glorious master, what is this magic you are working? Even in apparent delinquence, your presence is more evident than ever before. You are surcharging the hearts of your disciples with renewed strength and ardent desire to fulfill Krsna's holy order. You are described as paragam, yet you are giving others the potency to bring billions of struggling amsas over to the other side just as you are taking their saviors back. What wonderful mathematics is this that adds one to a handful of the miserable and promises a sum total of unlimited siddhas? Seeing these feats and feeling the vibrancy of your vani, I realize that you are unto me, like Devahūti's Kapiladeva, a transcendental eye which can deliver me from the darkness of ignorance and allow me to fall, humbled, in the dust at your feet.

As your ISKCON spreads across the universe, please give me the strength to remain, always marveling at the wonder you have created, and singing your glories.

amso bhagavato 'smy aham sada daso 'smi sarvatha
tat-krpapeksako nityam tat-prestha-sat karomi svam

"I am a tiny part and parcel of the Supreme Lord and I am always and in every way His eternal servant. As I am always hoping for His mercy and kindness, I offer myself to His most dear servitor, my spiritual master."

Your worthless servant,

Adi Kesava Svami

GBC-Northeast U.S.A. and Caribbean

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