Audio
[Hamsaduta leading loud kirtana in background]
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Prabhupada: Things are deteriorating.
Prabhupada: Weakness.
Bhavananda: But, Srila Prabhupada, you've been sitting up now for almost forty-five minutes.
Satadhanya: I think this is the first time that Your Divine Grace has sat up for such a long time.
Bhavananda: And also this morning you were making effort to move your legs, which you've never done since I've been here. I was thinking... Of course... Just from my observation, I was thinking that you were feeling a little bit stronger today.
Bhavananda: And Satadhanya Maharaja also thought that you were appearing to be stronger. Usually you're not able to sit up for such a long period of time, and you're sitting up by yourself. Usually you lean on my hand for support. But this morning you're...
Satadhanya: In fact, we all said the same thing.
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Satadhanya: We all were thinking the same thing, that you look stronger, a little bit. [indistinct background comments]
Bhavananda: And also, Srila Prabhupada, your suggestion that you wanted to go on parikrama, we also thought, was an indication that you must be feeling a little stronger. In initial stage of taking this medicine, it has to take some time before it even can begin to equalize a deteriorating situation, what to speak of making positive gains in strength. The medicine first has to act to stop the deterioration. Even that takes some time. Then, once it's equalized and maintain that, then it has to..., then it will work to build the body. If you're feeling, though, that you're deteriorating condition, then perhaps we shouldn't go on the parikrama this morning.
Prabhupada: No, parikrama I shall go.
[pause]
Prabhupada: I am already puzzled. [indistinct]
Prabhupada: Atreya Rsi?
Prabhupada: I am puzzled.
Prabhupada: In this condition I do not wish to live.
Pancadravida: The purpose of this medicine, though, Srila Prabhupada, is to cure the condition.
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Pancadravida: The purpose of this medicine is to cure this condition and bring you back to good health. It's not to continue in this bad condition but to bring you to a good condition. That is our hope, that you will regain your strength. There is an English saying that "The night is the most dark right before the dawn." So now you are feeling this way. We are hoping that very soon the medicine will take some effect, and then you'll begin to feel stronger.
Tamala Krsna: I was thinking yesterday that... You had wanted to go all over the world once again, to strengthen our Society. I was just thinking that since you're not going, the Society is coming here to be with you. And simply by being with you everybody is becoming stronger. Simply by contacting you, taking care of you, helping to take care of you, they're all advancing in Krsna consciousness. And I think that anyone who has your association, Srila Prabhupada, will never fall away from Krsna consciousness. And you're also instructing and translating every day. For the first time, devotees are allowed to be near you while you're translating and hear you speak. And I don't think your existence has no value. It has so much value even now.
Pancadravida: If the devotees are staying away, it is not because you are poisonous; it is because we are poisonous. I know due to my sinful habits I am so poisonous that when I'm in your presence I feel so contaminated and unworthy of being in the sight of such a person as yourself that I feel like I should be in some corner hiding like some... I am so impure that I cannot stand in front of you. It is not because I feel that you are poisonous, Srila Prabhupada. I am poisonous.
Pancadravida: You are a pure devotee of Krsna, and your whole life is simply dedicated to the propagation of Krsna's teachings all over the world, whereas my whole life is simply dedicated to sense gratification. So therefore, when I come in front of a person such as yourself, I feel ashamed.
Bhavananda: It is true, Srila Prabhupada, that if you lose your desire to remain here, then no medicine can be effective. But if you desire to remain, then the medicine can become effective.
Prabhupada: No, in this way to remain-not desirable. Every day, crisis.
Bhavananda: That is the crisis.
Bhavananda: ...we have to appraise that if Your Divine Grace leaves us, what will be the result both to ISKCON Society, to each of your disciples individually, and to the entire planet.
Prabhupada: That I am thinking, that such a big Society, the aims and object may be dismantled. I am thinking from that vision.
Bhavananda: Last May, when everyone assembled here in Vrndavana, then that... What was his name? Goswami came? Atula-Krsna Goswami. And after he left, you had apprised us of the fact that there is a movement to..., if you should leave, to take the Society from us, the properties. And you told us at that time, "You are all children. None of you has any intelligence." That was only five months back. We have not grown that much in five months. We're still children. You have always practically directed us in every one of our activities. And where we followed your instructions, there we have been successful. But because we are only children, sometimes we...
Prabhupada: What is the time now?
Atreya Rsi: Eight o'clock.
Prabhupada: And still it is dark?
Pancadravida: No, the drapes are closed.
Bhavananda: Sun is not up full.
Satadhanya: Sun is not strong yet.
Prabhupada: So it is not possible to have parikrama now?
Hamsaduta: It's not that cold outside. It's possible. It's possible.
Prabhupada: If it is possible, why not do it?
Bhavananda: I'll go get that other [indistinct].
Prabhupada: So you can bring some sweater.
Prabhupada: Sweater and cap.
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Prabhupada: In this condition, how I can desire to survive?
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Prabhupada: Wash.
Atreya Rsi: The fruit came. It was the pomegranate and lemon.
Atreya Rsi: No, before then.
Bhavananda: The fruit came.
Atreya Rsi: And the letter wished you good health by the royal family.
Prabhupada: No, preaching also, it is going on. I know that. Where is the cotton sweater?
Prabhupada: I'm not tired.
Prabhupada: I am not tired.
Prabhupada: I am quite comfortable.
Trivikrama: We are also feeling refreshed.
Prabhupada: Yes.
Pancadravida: And tomorrow begins Karttika.
Prabhupada: Yes. Tell the... [break] So my suggestion for parikrama last night...
Prabhupada: Yes. [laughs]
Bhavananda: Whenever we follow your instructions, Srila Prabhupada, we always meet with success.
Prabhupada: So, when there is sunshine, if you take me up, and I'll remain in sunshine.
Prabhupada: There is no need of lying down in one place.
Pancadravida: ...disciples are very excited now.
Prabhupada: I am also excited.
Prabhupada: I had no difficulty. You could circumambulate more.
Prabhupada: I was quite comfortable.
Pancadravida: Go slower?
Bhavananda: Srila Prabhupada? Bhakti-caru has made some nice orange juice. Would you like to sit up for that? [break]
Bhavananda: I'd like to go and shave. May I be permitted to go?
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Bhavananda: I'd like to go and shave. [break]
[break]
Prabhupada: There is no harm, but if once is good, why twice?
Satadhanya: The kaviraja said that the dosage should be two times a day.
Bhavananda: Did he say why?
Satadhanya: Because the other kavirajas previously, the doses that they suggested were very large. So this kaviraja, he said they were too large. So this dose is quite smaller compared to the others. He said it should be done twice a day. See, this is only... Each dose is only two ratis. But the other kavirajas, they were even saying up to one tola.
Prabhupada: [laughing] Not one tola.
Satadhanya: They were saying some large...
Prabhupada: [laughing] That was wrongly inter... Nobody can... Anyway, let us see for some days, one.
Bhavananda: Bhakti-caru, Prabhupada only wants to take the makara-dhvaja once a day, in the morning. How do you feel about that? Do you feel...?
Prabhupada: Huh?
Bhavananda: He said if you desire to only have it once, it must be Krsna's direction. [break]
Svarupa Damodara: It's Svarupa Damodara. I don't know if this will be proper or not, but I got a telegram from family in Manipur saying that the grandfather expired, and so they want me to come back for few days to do the ceremonial rites. So do you think shall I go for a few days, Srila Prabhupada?
Prabhupada: It is necessary?
Anyone who is fully engaged in Krsna's service, he has no other duty. He has finished all other duties. Tepus tapas te [SB 3.33.7]. This is the injunction of the sastra. He's no more anyone's servant, or he has got any duty to do-saranam saranyam-because he has taken the shelter of the ultimate Supreme Person. This is the injunction of the sastra. So this sraddha ceremony is not required for a devotee fully surrendered to the lotus feet of Krsna. Gato mukundam saranam saranyam. Saranyam: He is the only shelter. And who has taken shelter of Krsna, he has no other duty. This is the sastra. Yes. [break] You now give. [drinks] [break]
Bhavananda: Prabhupada just asked where it was.
Prabhupada: Why?
Prabhupada: Bring one.
Bhavananda: He wants to see the color. [break]
Prabhupada: Bruises are here, but this is not? You see there.
Bhavananda: The bruises? Where are you feeling them most? On your feet, Srila Prabhupada, or your legs?
Prabhupada: Here.
Pancadravida: He said legs.
Baradraj: On both legs?
Prabhupada: Svarna-sindhura.
Baradraj: There's maybe a mirror. He can...
Prabhupada: Not like that.
Prabhupada: One dose.
Prabhupada: And what is this?
Prabhupada: Mirror!?
Baradraj: Can you see it?
Prabhupada: Oh, yes.
Bhavananda: The kaviraja said because the gold is oxidized into gold sulphur... [break]
Prabhupada: ...preparation, svarna-sindhura.
Bhavananda: Oh. Prabhupada's father used to take makara-dhvaja.
Prabhupada: Yes.
Baradraj: Is it the same kind of medicine?
Satadhanya: Similar.
Baradraj: The svarna-sindhura is also similar in effect, for medicine, as medicine?
Prabhupada: That I do not know. [break] If I can continue this parikrama, that is spiritual cure. [break]
Prabhupada: Why not?
Tamala Krsna: What about to Govardhana?
Prabhupada: Yes.
Atreya Rsi: This is very, very nice weather now.
Brahmananda: Yes, it's beautiful weather, fantastic weather.
Tamala Krsna: We will make a palanquin, special palanquin, you see, which will have a bed in it. It will be very nice. And it will have curtains. When you want, the curtains can come down or they can come up. And it will be full length, so you can recline very comfortably. And we will make a camp. We will go by foot all the way.
Prabhupada: Very good idea. If I die then, it will be a great luck.
Prabhupada: Yes. Jivo va maro va.
Trivikrama: For us it will be greater luck if you live.
Prabhupada: Yes, I want also. What is that?
Bhavananda: He was trying... The... [break]
Prabhupada: ...parikrama was liven to them. Eh?
Trivikrama: Today's parikrama was very enthusiastic.
Prabhupada: ...krama you can increase.
Trivikrama: Must increase.
Prabhupada: Then you have to make a stretcherlike bed?
Atreya Rsi: How many people will carry?
Prabhupada: Yes.
Prabhupada: Then you have to arrange for campment previously.
Bhavananda: Campment beforehand.
Tamala Krsna: Previously, ahead of time, yes. Or we could come back every day. The only thing I don't like about doing that, if we stay with someone else, then it is too much botheration for Your Divine Grace. I know that, because everyone will want darsana. My idea was to camp on the... Not to camp where there was any place, but to camp on our own, in the field or wherever. Bring some tents, set up the tent.
Prabhupada: Not to advertise.
Prabhupada: Yes. All right.
Prabhupada: No. This camping is very nice.
Prabhupada: Yes.
Prabhupada: Very good idea.
Prabhupada: Hmm? Begin?
Tamala Krsna: He's saying we should also go to Radha-Damodara. Bhavananda was saying we should start from there. As you started from there, so the parikrama start from there. First we will do parikrama of the Vrndavana area, local area. One day we can go on a... We can parikrama. It will take about three hours, the whole Vrndavana, you know, the local Vrndavana area?
Prabhupada: Hmm.
Prabhupada: No, just a sample.
Tamala Krsna: Sridhara Swami in Hyderabad has one. [break] ...parikrama is successful, we can attempt the Mayapur parikrama. That will also be very good, Srila Prabhupada. And then, if that is successful, we will do a world parikrama, ISKCON parikrama. That means world parikrama. We will go to all of your temples around the world. That may be the sweetest parikrama of all, Srila Prabhupada. [break]
Bhavananda: In the beginning, initially, when you start taking this medicine, I would think there would be some reaction within the body to something new like that before the body develops its tolerance. I don't think it's too serious at this point. [aside:] Srila Prabhupada feels all hope is frustrated. The makara-dhvaja medicine is to give strength, but now he's passing stool, so all the strength he has is lost. At the same time, Srila Prabhupada, you're taking a lot of liquid intake now. There has to be some stool. It's digested. You're taking almost a thousand milliliters a day, 960, 890, like that. So that's quite a large amount.
Prabhupada: Therefore I say stop it.
Prabhupada: What is the use?
Bhavananda: "All hopes are frustrated."
Prabhupada: Passing stool now. Cleanse. Making frustrated.
Prabhupada: What is the use?
Trivikrama: You've only taken it one time.
Prabhupada: Use is that I have passed stool.
Prabhupada: [laughs] But everyone eats also.
Prabhupada: If there is no eating, then passing stool means whatever strength you get is gone.
Trivikrama: You feel weaker?
Prabhupada: Certainly. Telegram?
Devotees: No.
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Bhavananda: Of course, Bonamali, he might have been hesitant to give the medicine because we're suspect that his medicine was even bona fide. He might have been avoiding giving it because it wouldn't work to begin with.
Prabhupada: Bona fide or not bona fide.
Bhavananda: Still, we all saw some positive signs. Of course, it might not have been from the medicine, but it is... You did appear stronger. You went on parikrama, you sat up.
Prabhupada: No, parikrama I can... But, I mean to say, from medicinal point of view it is not at all hopeful. All is...
Bhavananda: Hopeful.
Prabhupada: [indistinct] is there.
Bhavananda: [indistinct whispered comments about diet changes] Also that Persian melon. We've been giving you that Persian melon juice. That is a diuretic. Let us not give that juice. Take one more... See how the night goes. In the morning take another dose of makara-dhvaja.
Prabhupada: So what?
Prabhupada: Because it's reacting differently.
Bhavananda: We're saying, though, that it may not be the medicine. It may be at the same time that you took the medicine you also starting taking this fruit juice, new fruit juice, melon, which is known for causing a diuretic effect. So it may be that. We're suggesting that not to give that Persian melon juice. Tomorrow morning take makara-dhvaja again and see what happens then.
Prabhupada: Hmm?
Bhavananda: Baradraj Prabhu was just telling me that he's noticed-he's been massaging your legs-that your legs and feet are warmer today than they were yesterday.
Baradraj: This morning. And then when he had his medicine at night. Means there's energy.
Bhavananda: I have noticed over the past three or four days that your feet have been cold. Extremities, your hands and your feet, have been very cold. Now that's a sign of strength. We feel that the change from the makara-dhvaja is going to be subtle, not so swift in terms of renewed vigor. Even the allopathic medicine... You took so much allopathic medicine, and you took that even more than you're willing to take this Ayurvedic medicine. That you took for three days. This you haven't even taken one full day. Of course, we're not placing all of our hopes on the medicine as such. We've been placing all of our prayers at the lotus feet of Krsna and Balarama.
Prabhupada: No, that is the only hope. All hopes fail.
Bhavananda: But then Krsna did direct you within that dream to take this medicine. Just try one more day. If all hope is frustrated, then what is the loss if we take that medicine one more day?
Prabhupada: That medicine take...
Prabhupada: Yes. I thought it will give me strength, but instead of strength, I am passing stool, so whatever strength is there... [end]
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