Brahmānanda Swami

Brahmananda Swami
Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept my humble danḍavats at your holy lotus feet. As you must know, since your departure I have many times composed in my mind my offering for Vyasa-pūja, as soon as I think of Your Divine Grace, then I want to glorify you suitably. So, although this is my written Vyasa-pūja offering, in my heart I will always go on composing Vyasa-pūja offerings. It is my good fortune that my offering is being included in the Vyasa-pūja book, which contains offerings by so many of your disciples who act on what they write, who have realized what you have taught, and who follow your instructions. This is the difference between my offering and theirs. If my offering was not included in the Vyasa-pūja book, there would be no loss. In fact, I should make my words as short as possible so that you can relish their sentiments rather than being distracted by my official proclamations.
Right from the very beginning, from my first meeting with you, my greatest pleasure was to serve you as a servant. First I offered you my savings and wages, and you have kindly said that your financial difficulties ended when I joined. Together we would walk around Second Avenue looking for a building to buy, and sometimes we went on the bus and even the subway. In the temple I would bring your shoes and kneel down to tuck in your lotus feet, and in your room I would pour you a glass of water to drink while you tirelessly preached to us. These memories make me feel greatly for those intimate days of eternal sweetness, when you changed me from a dog into a devotee.
Unfortunately, deep in my heart I cling to doggish desires. Why is this? You did you level best to purify me-short of force. Now I have to decide to surrender my mind and heart completely. I don't know if I can actually do this in this lifetime. If I fail, then I have wasted my entire life, because the meaning of a human life is to surrender wholly to Krsna and His pure representative.
In your presence I always marveled at how perfectly and purely you performed even trivial tasks. When you used to write your signature on a paper or letter, it was a timeless moment of artistic beauty performed with such appropriate care. And what to speak of your writing a masterpiece, the Krsna book, certainly the greatest book in all literature. In Boston we used to hear the dictaphone tapes sent from Los Angeles of you speaking all the wonderful descriptions of Krsna in Vrndavana while in the background we could hear the chirping of the busy morning birds while you worked. In this way you kindly soothed our beastly minds.
Now you have done another wonderful thing. So gracefully and humbly did you leave this world. Just in the same humble manner in which you appeared among us alienated youths of 1960's America. You have gone back to Krsna's abode, but at the same time you didn't forget us conditioned souls.
vancha-kalpa-tarubhyas ca krpa-sindhubhya eva ca
patitanam pavanebhyo vaisnavebhyo namo namaḥ
You empowered your foremost disciples into spiritual acaryas, your representatives, who can bring us back to Krsna just as you were doing. You have manifested yourself in them. This is the most wonderful thing you have done. So now there is another chance for me. Unfortunately, while you were present I did not completely purify myself as all your other many disciples did. I have not qualified for leaving the material world. But, now I can try again. How? By serving the lotus feet of your representatives. Just as I was always eager to serve Your Divine Grace as a servant to his master or as a dutiful son to his father, so now I aspire to serve your eleven spiritual heirs as the elder brother who, although unfortunate himself, wants to help the qualified younger brothers to succeed for the benefit of the family as a whole. I only hope they will give me the opportunity, otherwise without having anybody to serve I am lost. A dog can only be happy when he has a proper master to serve. Only be associating intimately with the initiating acaryas will I too learn to serve you sincerely. I have been with you, but they have heard from you. That is the important difference (yatha jnasyasi tac chrnu [Bg 7.1]). Thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for saving me, such an unfortunate soul.
There is no question of you having left. I simply have to remember you with love and devotion or even to read one sentence from your many books, and you are there guiding me on the proper path. And thank you, Srila Prabhupada, for even giving me a life's mission, spreading Krsna consciousness in Africa. It is blissfully very difficult, just the proper challenge to my capacity. Actually, I may not be able to do it properly in one lifetime, so I am prepared to take birth as long as necessary just for this purpose, either in a Western body or even in an African body if it is best for fulfilling your mission. Africa is so big, so many people, languages, countries and customs, all so different. Even to penetrate the continent by land is difficult, so I am only praying to Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His representatives you have created to kindly assist me in this matter. If they help me, then I think it will be possible to do something even in such a place.
Your eternal servant,
Brahmananda Swami, GBC-Africa
 

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