CD 8-3
I am an impious sinner and have caused others great anxiety
(1)
amara jivana, sada pape rata,
nahiko punyera lesa
parere udvega, diyachi ye koto,
diyachi jivere klesa
nahiko punyera lesa
parere udvega, diyachi ye koto,
diyachi jivere klesa
[I am an impious sinner and have caused others great anxiety and trouble.]
(2)
nija sukha lagi', pape nahi ḍori,
daya-hina svartha-paro
para-sukhe duḥkhi, sada mithya-bhasi,
para-duḥkha sukha-karo
daya-hina svartha-paro
para-sukhe duḥkhi, sada mithya-bhasi,
para-duḥkha sukha-karo
[I have never hesitated to perform sinful acts for my own enjoyment. Devoid of all compassion, concerned only with my own selfish interests, I am remorseful seeing others happy. I am a perpetual liar, and the misery of others is a source of great pleasure for me.]
(3)
asesa kamana, hrdi majhe mora,
krodhi, dambha-parayana
mada-matta sada, visaye mohita,
himsa-garva vibhūsana
krodhi, dambha-parayana
mada-matta sada, visaye mohita,
himsa-garva vibhūsana
[The material desires within the core of my heart are unlimited. I am wrathful, devoted to false pride and arrogance, intoxicated by vanity, and bewildered by worldly affairs. Envy and egotism are the ornaments I wear.]
(4)
nidralasya hata, sukarye virata,
akarye udyogi ami
pratistha lagiya, sathya-acarana,
lobha-hata sada kami
akarye udyogi ami
pratistha lagiya, sathya-acarana,
lobha-hata sada kami
[Ruined by laziness and sleep, I resist all pious deeds; yet I am very active and enthusiastic to perform wicked acts. For worldly fame and reputation I engage in the practice of deceitfulness. Thus I am destroyed by my own greed and am always lustful.]
(5)
e heno durjana, saj-jana-varjita,
aparadhi nirantara
subha-karya-sūnya, sadanartha-manaḥ,
nana duḥkhe jara jara
aparadhi nirantara
subha-karya-sūnya, sadanartha-manaḥ,
nana duḥkhe jara jara
[A vile, wicked man such as this, rejected by godly people, is a constant offender. I am such a person, devoid of all good works, forever inclined toward evil, worn out and wasted by various miseries.]
(6)
bardhakye ekhona, upaya-vihina,
ta'te dina akincana
bhakativinoda, prabhura carane,
kore duḥkha nivedana
ta'te dina akincana
bhakativinoda, prabhura carane,
kore duḥkha nivedana
[Now in old age, deprived of all means of success, humbled and poor, Bhaktivinoda submits his tale of grief at the feet of the Supreme Lord.]
[10:47]
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