Los Angeles

My divine master,

Your transcendental mind and attention are perpetually focused, in unalloyed devotion, upon the wonderful transcendental forms, names, qualities and pastimes of Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha-Krsna in Braja. Your mind is completely transcendental and ecstatic, relishing the sublime mellows of devotional service at every moment. Yet, falling at your lotus feet in great humility, I urgently pray to you, my eternal master, to kindly turn your attention to my wretched self because, as fallen and unqualified as I am, I want to submit a prayer and an urgent appeal to you and beg you to kindly hear me:

A Disciple's Prayer to the Lotus Feet of His Eternal, Well-Wishing Spiritual Master

O my lord,

I am an eternal spirit soul, part and parcel of Krsna. Somehow or other at an unknown time in the remote past, I became covered by Krsna's illusory energy, maya, and I thought that I could enjoy life independently of Him. I then fell from the spiritual world, which is my eternal home, to the material world, which is nothing but a horrible place of suffering. Since that time I have been forced, for countless scores of births, to inhabit one body after another, appearing sometimes as a demigod, sometimes as a dog and sometimes in a lower form. In this way, I suffered terribly. Helplessly lost in the whirlpool of material illusion, I was completely mad, forgetting my eternal nature and my real constitutional position. Ignorant of my spiritual nature, I ran after material sense enjoyment, but was repeatedly kicked and frustrated in my attempt to be happy in that way. In such a state of frightening, hellish madness, I performed many horrible and unmentionable acts, which brought myself and others great pain. At the same time, other similarly illusioned living entities performed equally horrible actions which wrought great pain on me. Performing cruel and sinful actions based on ignorance, and impelled by a false desire to enjoy matter, I was forced to suffer the consequences, perpetually. Thus there was no limit to my suffering. At times, in the painful sojourn of my material existence, I came to appreciate the futility of sense enjoyment in the material world and considered material enjoyment to be full of miseries. However, due to my strong bodily conception, my memory was destroyed, and again and again I ran after material enjoyment just as an animal runs after a mirage in the desert. Lifetime after lifetime after lifetime, this horrible suffering continued without any relief.

My eternal preceptor,

In this present lifetime, however, by the inconceivable causeless mercy of the Supreme Lord, you came to save me. As a great Maha-bhagavata Paramahamsa Vaisnava, you are eternally attached to Krsna and are therefore fully enlightened, blissful and self-satisfied. Yet, due to your inconceivable mercy, the thought of which melts my stone heart and makes me cry, you took pity on me.

First, you made me give up my strong addiction to grossly sinful habits such as flesh-eating, intoxication and illicit sex, which degrade the soul. Then, you taught me how to chant the Hare Krsna maha-mantra-the transcendental sound vibration which awakens the conditioned soul from his sleeping condition. You even showed me, a filthy animal, how to keep my body clean-I did not even know how to pass stool properly and you instructed me in the proper method. You put clean saffron cloth on my sinful body and taught me how to dance before the Deity. You prepared wonderful, pure foodstuffs, offered them in devotion to Krsna and fed me the remains until I could eat no more.

As I gradually became a bit more civilized, you began to instruct me in the proper aim of human life. You revealed to me, through your commentaries on Bhagavad-gita and Srimad-Bhagavatam, that I am not this temporary material body, but an infinitesimal spirit soul, constitutionally eternal (sat), full of knowledge (cit) and blissful (ananda); that I am part and parcel of the Supreme Soul, Krsna, who is an unlimitedly sweet cowherd boy; that I have an eternal, intimate, sublime relationship with Him based on transcendental loving service and surrender; that, due to impure desires, I fell from Krsna's abode in the spiritual world and became tightly bound up in the clutches of Krsna's illusory energy in a suffering condition, transmigrating from one material body to another; that this human form of life is a very great and rare gift of the material nature because, being equipped with higher and more subtle intelligence, it affords the conditioned soul a chance understand his existential position and to revive his original spiritual consciousness, or Krsna consciousness, thus getting out of material bondage. Finally, you took time to instruct me in all the procedures of sadhana-bhakti, or the regulative purificatory stage of devotional service, whereby the spiritual aspirant gradually reawakens his dormant, blissful, transcendental consciousness. In this way, you firmly and compassionately lifted me from a condition of madness to a sane condition of relative peacefulness, happiness and knowledge, wherein the miseries of material existence have been reduced to almost nil.

III

My merciful chastiser,

However, not caring for your mercy, I have not fixed Krsna consciousness in my heart, as my life and soul. Becoming complacent and puffed up, I have maintained many material attachments and impurities.

My enthusiasm for engaging in service is sparked by the desire to be glorified and honored by others and for material profit. If these rewards do not come, I become bewildered in my determination. I am full of lust and secretly think of mundane sex pleasure while outwardly pretending to be a detached sadhu. I run here and there to gratify the tongue, and if I cannot eat to the neck, I become morose. I am always speaking nonsense and becoming enlivened when others hear and appreciate my loose talk. Forgetting that the other devotees are your parts and parcels-that they are your eternal personal servants-I deal with them in an arrogant and impersonal way, sometimes speaking harshly and sometimes criticizing unnecessarily. When I see another disciple advancing in Krsna consciousness, I become envious, and when a disciple falls down, I secretly feel satisfaction.

Because my mind is always disturbed by multifarious, personally-motivated desires, I cannot fix my mind on the process of advancement on Krsna consciousness. And because my vision is clouded and narrowed by such selfish desires, I lack the quality of compassion and consequently am unable to share in your great vision and magnanimous plan to save the world. My ingratefulness knowing no limit, I try to forget you, because the remembrance of your holy self causes me to feel ashamed of my fallen condition, my selfish schemes and my lack of loyalty to your lotus feet. This is my horrible and lamentable condition. Thinking of all these personal faults and shortcomings, I cry in shame.

Therefore, my eternal divine master,

In this lowly and unfortunate condition, I humbly pray to your merciful lotus feet to please take pity on this useless soul, who is so devoid of good qualities, noble intentions and pure aspirations. I am a fool! A fool! A weak and petty-minded fool! But you have planted in this fool's heart the seed of Krsna consciousness. This valuable seed, however, is being burned up by the fire of material lust that burns in my heart. Please save the seed which you have planted there! How fallen am I and how great is Krsna consciousness! This thought tears through my mind and heart like a hot iron rod. Please kick me hard with your lotus feet that I may wake up from this dangerous deep sleep of forgetfulness of the prime duty of human life. Clasping your lotus feet in my hands and pressing them on my chest, I humbly beg you to pick me up. Without Krsna consciousness I am no better than an dead man. Now I want to give up all my nonsense. I want to see the light of Krsna consciousness. I don't want to go on sleeping in ignorance. I surrender to you, Srila Prabhupada. Please fix me eternally at your lotus feet and protect me.

Your disciples in the New Dvarka community

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