Married Life

The second asrama order is called grhastha, the married family man. Grhastha does not mean married life for indulgence in sex and family affairs. Grhastha is a bona fide spiritual order. There is another word in Sanskrit, grhamedhi, which is a description of married life without spiritual goals. Such marriage, in which one uses contraceptive methods in order to enjoy sex life, raises children that come like cats and dogs, and devoting one's occupational income and energy for elevating the material standard of his family, is a waste of human life. Sex is there, like eating, and there is no bar to Krsna consciousness for a married man. If one feels some disturbance in living single, he can get married. Many of the great authorities in the science of God, like Lord Brahma, Prahlada Maharaja, Bhaktivinode Thakur and His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, were family men. Marriage in the spiritual order is for the purpose of living peacefully and having children in Krsna consciousness. Like the varna, the asrama orders are natural and based on principles of human life in terms of the whole span of life; the goal of asrama is not sense gratification, but liberation from the material condition and attainment of the highest goal. The first part of life, brahmacarya, is utilized for development of character and spiritual qualities. Then around age twenty-five, if he has the desire to be married, he may, as the next natural part of life, accept a wife and beget children. But one should not beget children like cats and dogs. A child should be begotten who can perform duties for God, otherwise there is no need to marry and no need of children. The parents should see to it that the child born of them must not enter the womb of a mother again. The child should be trained for being liberated in that life.

Asrama teaches that human life is especially meant for being completely devoted to the Lord. Among the duties and responsibilities of the householder is that he takes care of the other spiritual orders. By occupation, the vaisyas produce food for everyone; by spiritual order, the householders feed the others, as far as possible. Also, according to the example of the great devotee Rūpa Gosvami, a householder should give at least fifty percent of his income for propagation of Krsna consciousness, twenty-five percent for his household upkeep, and twenty-five percent set aside for emergencies. The grhastha lives as a householder, prosecuting Krsna consciousness with every endeavor.

Let us say that a man lives one hundred years. The first twenty-five years he is a student. The years from twenty-five to fifty are good for producing children and so may be spent in householder life. Then after fifty years of age the man is expected to retire and leave his household affairs in the hands of his oldest son. This stage is called vanaprastha. He retires and with his wife travels to holy places. Then gradually he leaves his wife in the care of the older children. It is not that the wife is left deserted on the road. According to Vedic civilization the woman is never independent. She is in the hands of her father until she is handed over in marriage, and then she becomes the charge of her husband. When the sons are grown up and it is time for the husband to take sannyasa, he leaves his wife in the charge of his elder sons.

The Srimad-Bhagavatam narrates the history of Kardama Muni, a great yogi householder who lived at the dawn of creation and who strictly followed the scriptural injunction by leaving his home to take the renounced life of a wandering sannyasi. His case was most exceptional because after long austerities and practice of yoga, Kardama Muni and his wife Devahūti had been blessed to have born unto them the incarnation of God known as Kapila Deva, who taught the famous Sahkhya philosophy to the world. Kardama Muni's exalted position was that God Himself was in his home, as his son. And still, Kardama Muni left his home in strict observance of the injunction that one must spend his last days away from home and without family connection in pursuit of spiritual life. Kapila Deva encouraged His father not to deviate from the scriptures, and He assured him that as Supreme Lord He would always be with his father, residing in his heart. Thus Kardama Muni left his wife in the charge of his son Kapila and became a wandering sannyasi totally dependent on Krsna for his food and lodging.